Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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