I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is not my ceiling
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
