You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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