i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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