it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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