And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
