I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
These tits shall not be calmed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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