All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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