He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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