next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
