I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
