I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
