Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
