So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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