I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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