My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
