My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize