If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
