why didn't you poke me back
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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