Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
