Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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