I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
