My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
