I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
