You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
