Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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