last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
