The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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