Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
