sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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