so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
