i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
