Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
