OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
