Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
