a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
