so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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