he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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