are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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