That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
