Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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