hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
