Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
