the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
