if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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