After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
