I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
