I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
