I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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