im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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