Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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