You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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