I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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