I hope mine doesn't look like that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
