wakey wakey hands off snakey
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
