when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
