just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize