I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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