Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Watching her eat just hurts me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
