Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
