i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
