Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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