So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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