he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
