I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
